Singles’ Survival

When I first joined the Foreign Service, all I ever heard about in terms of being a single woman was how much the dating life sucked. Even as I bid for my second tour, all of the “Special Concerns for Singles” on Post Reports seem to involve comments on what the dating pool is like at Post. I find this particularly unhelpful because (1) that does not apply to me and (2) there are many other concerns for singles, such as having a decent sized pool of potential candidates for platonic friends, which I’ve realized is pretty important after working in a relatively small consulate.

I’ve found the logistical challenges as a single to be the most daunting– that much is evident as soon as you transfer to your first post. I’ve never wished so fiercely I could clone myself so that I could be attending ConGen training with one body and running around doing fool’s errands (trying to jailbreak a certificate of origin from a car dealer, sitting with packers, stocking up on a two years’ supply of postage stamps and peanut butter, etc.) at the same time. I imagine the logistics are only worse for people bringing pets, single parents, or single people going to posts where housing is not provided.

As I continue bumbling along this adventure not single so much as geographically alone, I’ve learned that just as we prepare contingency or disaster plans in consular sections, it is equally important to have contingency plans ourselves. After a volcanic eruption, a 7.1 earthquake, and a day of civil unrest that shut down the country, I realized I didn’t really take the time to prepare for a disaster since it was “just me.” I had no canned food, no bottled water, and no gas in my car. (I feel like FS people with kids are probably not this negligent.) One time I cut my finger (badly!!) while chopping garlic and realized I had no band-aids. I showed up to work the next morning with my finger wrapped in toilet paper and duct tape until I could sheepishly ask my boss (a well-prepared mom!) for a band-aid. I still don’t have bottled water, but I do now have a first aid kit, canned food, and a (recently) full tank of gas. I’m learning.

Then, six weeks ago, I had the misfortune of being admitted to the hospital. This is crappy in normal circumstances, but there’s nothing like driving to the hospital with the Consulate nurse and being asked “I know you’re single, so who’s your best friend?” That, and the massive dehydration, was enough to send me into tears as I contemplated who I would burden with my illness. How do you pick between the colleagues who have been working nonstop all day, are sick themselves or have a new baby at home? I’ve been here for just a year, and now I’m being forced to identify a “best friend”? Hospital visits are precisely why we have families!

When I arrived at my hospital room after a few hours in the ER getting pumped full of fluids, the Consulate nurse told the hospital nurses, “She doesn’t have family so make sure you help her.” Then the guy came by to drop off blankets for the non-present family members who were not staying with me. Needless to say, there are few things worse than unexpectedly being admitted to the hospital and realizing that you are in for a long night alone, hooked up to an IV, communicating with doctors and nurses in your non-native language and wearing the same clothes for more than 24 hours. Home was suddenly very far away. And then I realized my cell phone battery was almost out. And I didn’t have my parents’ cell phone numbers programmed into it anyway, since I only called them on Skype. So I called my boyfriend and cried, and we felt helpless because we were far apart. (Meanwhile, my mother was sending me angry emails about why I hadn’t updated her on my unfolding health crisis. She didn’t know anything until AFTER I was released from the hospital.)

What I’ve learned from the experience is, it is important for singles to think about these things before/when they arrive at Post. First of all, it is important to get over any reluctance you have to ask for help from someone, and that someone will most likely be your colleague. I can think of multiple times since being here that I have been too sick to drag myself to the grocery store and get myself food (even when my go-to sick diet is red Gatorade and water crackers. Very healthy.) If people ask you if you need help, or offer you some form of help, you shouldn’t hesitate to take it. Being independent has its limits.

The other advice I have is, know who you can call in the event you are sick and need help. I’ve had times when I’ve worried about just getting a ride to the doctor, since there’s nothing worse than having to wait for a cab at the hospital. If you anticipate you might be getting really sick, maybe pack a bag with pajamas and other necessities and leave it at your house. You may even give your emergency geographically-present contact a set of keys to your house and car (in fact, I highly recommend this) in the event you are away for a long time or need someone to go in and get something for you. This has the added benefit of being an additional person you can call when you get locked out of your car or house.

I was very lucky that I had a fine colleague and his family to come visit me late at night with magazines, a change of comfortable clothes, and some juice as well as several visits and great support from the Consulate nurse. Another colleague stopped by the hospital while he was already out for morning meetings the next day. And I received several phone calls from others offering their help or visits. All-in-all, it was an unfortunate situation that didn’t suck any more than it had to, and no act or gesture, no matter how small, went unnoticed by me.

In conclusion:
(1) Singles, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
(2) Families/Couples, we singles sometimes need your help and certainly always appreciate it.
(3) It’s good to have on-hand some nice go-to thank you gifts for the people who help you out of a bind.
(4) The restorative effects of an IV drip (or in my case 5000 mL of IV drips and heavy doses of penicillin) cannot be under-estimated.

Advertisement